A Test of Faith

My dear son, Andreas, suddenly went blind last night. He has only one partially functioning eye, and it is that eye that was affected. Fortunately, it appears to be a temporary event, as I understand a burst blood vessel to be.

We will learn more on Monday, but the automatic assumption Andreas jumped to, given his birth, was seemingly incorrect. Retinopathy of prematurity is quite common with preemies born as early as Andreas was, and it has been his main life challenge (at least on the physical level). Concern about future aggravation of his retinal detachments was something doctors mentioned to me over the years, but not something I thought about. Interesting that Andreas would immediately jump to that conclusion.

Fear is a strange phenomen…it has risen in me like a sickness, along with guilt and a myriad of other emotions I rarely experience anymore. At least the emotions are fleeting. I am not paralyzed by them, thank God.

Paul, his father, was with Andreas as this was occurring, and it was very scary for him, as you might imagine. But I’m grateful he and his wife were there and that Andreas wasn’t alone.

And while old fears borne long ago have been restimulated between us as a family unit, they are old fears and do not belong in this present situation.

I find Andreas’s response to what’s happening quite inspiring. He felt more anger than fear last night…though fear was certainly there. And while I know that anger that is held onto or turned inward is not healthy or productive, I do think he’s being quite powerful with what’s happening. Anger that is honored when it occurs can often propel change, and in that state, great things are possible.

What I’ve been trying to focus on is that I know the body can heal—that it has unlimited potential to do so. But it’s a true test of my faith, because we’re talking about my treasured child.

Reconnective Healing has revealed miracles. Strings and strands dance in joyous celebration of pure potential coming to fruition. I’m grateful that Andreas has been reconnected, for it has the energy of rebirth to it—but not merely in the sense that we are familiar with. It is more than that. It is limitlessness.

What we do with what comes next is up to us. But I hold out for the maximum, highest potential for healing, for all of us—my son especially, his father, and me…

…and for each and everyone one of you.

God is great, after all.

 
Maria Benning

©Maria K. Benning, M.Ed., FPRH